You’re on a Leash

In 9th grade, my life began to revolve around losing weight to achieve a certain skinny appearance.

I indulged in a tempting path of following diet-after-diet, which very quickly became a slippery slope to disordered eating, poor self-esteem, and improper nourishment.

Every meal on my plate was a calculated attack based on insubstantial judgments. Anything fatty, dense, or dairy immediately was categorized as a stern mental “no“. I indulged in plain low-calorie fruits and vegetables, blindly shackling myself to the illusion that my approach was the “healthiest” and “best”.

I ended up developing anorexia nervosa and bulimia, which I suffered for over two years. With proper nutritional guidance and self-education, I emerged from these “illnesses” with relief, but lingering confusion.

Why did this all actually happen?

I’ve battled with all potential answers: poor body image, comparison, insecurity, bullying, judgment, etc. None, however, seemed to satisfy. Only recently, it clicked in me what kept me chained down and leashed up for so long: fear.

While there was no valid reason for fear’s presence, fear existed and consumed me. It drowned me in certain perceptions and stories that made me feel isolated and misunderstood by everyone. It ate up my time, energy, and zest for life.

Now, as a Nutritional Science student in college, I have the opportunity to learn about different diets that are proliferated in the weight-loss, health, and beauty community. A new diet arises every day, promising faster, better, bigger results.

I have learned how most diets are fad diets, meaning they are diets that falsely claim benefits while based on insufficient evidence, heavily restrict certain food groups, and are short-term. In a world where short-term, shiny results are now valued more than gradual, gentle efforts, these fad diets seem like the way to go. No wonder the next-best diet seems to be the solution.

When I examined popular and specific diets further, I noticed how many were established in fear that certain foods cause certain outcomes. Fear of fat had diets completely cut out fat. Same for carbs.

This fear clouded the wholeness, playfulness, and creativity of food. It makes food become the seeming enemy. When this fear is put aside, food can now be relished and celebrated.

So, what is the perfect diet?

The perfect diet is one not consisting of fear. One that enjoys ice cream bars and cheesy burritos just as much as filling grain bowls and fruity smoothies. This unconditional appreciation and love for all food automatically eliminates the judgment around certain foods as being “good” or “bad”.

This increasing acceptance of all food helps us make the right decisions for our bodies, minds, and souls without even having to try.

What fears have been driving you? I’d love to hear about them in the comments below 😉