You Look Like You’re 20

“You look 20. I love it,” my best friend told me over FaceTime as she scrolled through some recent pictures of me at a Holi event I had just attended. Holi is a festival of colors celebrated in India and involves dancing, partying, throwing around powder colors, and enjoying your time.

Her words stayed with me throughout the day, warming my heart and reminding me of something important. I realized I often put too much pressure on myself to be someone or somewhere I’m not. Whether academically, socially, or mentally, I tend to compare myself to others and feel like I’m falling behind.

Despite my drive to succeed in all areas of my life, I still struggle with depression, self-doubt, and confusion. I’ve learned to accept these difficult emotions as part of my journey. Still, I can harshly criticize myself for not being further along. Seeing others enjoy what I craved – fun friend groups, self-security, specific relationships, high-paying internships, more robust work ethic- makes me feel inadequate and like I’m not mature or deserving enough to experience those things.

During the FaceTime call with my best friend, I showed her pictures from the Holi celebration at my school. As I looked at a selfie of my friend and me, I mentally spoke negatively about myself for looking the same as last year – my baby face, plump cheeks, and sparkly eyes.

But my friend’s compliment changed my perspective. She didn’t just say I looked 20; she said I looked like myself. Her words made me question why I was so hard on myself and what was inherently wrong with who I was. Was there indeed somewhere better to be than just being myself?

I’ve spent so much time trying to be someone else – a prettier girl, a more intelligent student, a better daughter, a more desirable individual, and a more successful person. But my friend’s comment reminded me of the charm that never left me – the qualities that make me unique and authentic. The thoughts, feelings, laughter, conversations, hobbies, and self-care routines are all genuine to me, and that’s what makes me who I am.

Hearing my friend’s words released the pressure I felt to be someone else and made me realize why my efforts to “be better” weren’t working. I was approaching self-improvement with the belief that something was wrong with me and needed fixing rather than embracing who I am and building on that foundation.

Comparing ourselves to others and doubting our abilities can be a toxic cycle that can leave us feeling stuck and unfulfilled. It’s easy to get caught up in the negative self-talk and comparisons we make, but it’s important to remember that we are not our thoughts or emotions. We are simply experiencing them.

When we can recognize this and trust the presence of all of our thoughts and emotions, we can begin to see things in a different light. We can appreciate our unique journey and understand that everyone’s path differs. We can grow and learn about ourselves through these emotions and thoughts.

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or unsure at times, but it’s essential to trust the truth of the experience you are having right now. Emotions and thoughts can shift and change, and they may not always be pleasant, but they are a part of our human experience.

So, if you’re feeling lost or struggling with self-doubt, know you are not alone. Trust yourself and your journey, and know you can do great things. You are okay, just as you are.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments below!