Trying To Make Sense Of Life Recently? Me Too.

From time to time, I think back on difficult times in my life and question the purpose of the pain that accompanied those experiences.

I often curse my past and angrily beg for answers about why certain things happened the way they did. Why did that person leave? Why was I having such a hard time in school? Why was I so worried about my loved ones? Why did I feel so alone?

We all have our endless lists of unanswered frustrating questions as such.

The answer becomes apparent once you see yourself doing things you couldn’t do before. From my experience, I see myself in real-time prioritizing my interests, career, family, health, and peace of mind like never before. The focus in which I operate now is incomparable to where I was a year ago. I have more confidence to choose myself and don’t rely on people’s actions or behaviors to dictate my life. I understand the value of my own choices and pursuing my own goals. I’m not obsessively controlling specific outcomes anymore.

Who I was a year ago was not any less worthy of this self-love and investment in myself. I was in so much pain that it was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt so trapped in her mind, body, and circumstances, similar to the positions we all fall into occasionally. Our identity and relationships, careers, and family can be rattled to their core when we experience breakups, job loss, or the loss of loved ones. We question everything and look to the world for many answers, but none satisfy the chronic internal pain and confusion we seek to alleviate.

I would look to articles, blog posts, and YouTube videos for answers, but why was I experiencing so much anxiety, depression, and sadness? I hopelessly read success stories of people healing from emotional pain and using magical techniques to change their circumstances (some voodoo stuff, now that I think about it). I even tried talking to counselors and mental-health experts to see how they could guide me. I did my best with my resources but still looked in the mirror and questioned everything.

What changed was when I accepted how things were: my emotional and mental state of being and my circumstances. I realized how my controlling efforts to feel better came from a place of resistance to how life was at the moment. That’s when I learned how to validate my emotions, thoughts, and decisions. The freedom I felt was completely different than my previous perception of space, which was “people treating me better,” “I’ll have a better job,” or “I’ll have my degree in my hand.”

I started my internal exploration of how growth works. I looked deeply into how circumstances that rocked my world – such as loss, anxiety, and insecurity – threw me into an unknown state of being that had me scrambling for relief. After this scramble became too much work, I eventually became fed up and faced my life head-on: pain, embarrassment, and frustration. There was no avoiding it.

However, once I stopped seeing my negative emotions as some horrible curse, I began noticing how every bit of tension profoundly served me. My non-resistance to pain showed my nervous system that it was safe to feel painful emotions and that I could take care of myself even when all I wanted to do was jump out of my skin and run. I was healing my body in a very literal, physical sense by increasing my acceptance of pain. I stopped seeing suffering as a problem, and that eliminated my suffering.

Stabilizing my nervous system at this physical level now gave my brain no reason to deliver me with scary thoughts and fears constantly. Because my body was physically at peace and much more resilient, my brain could relax instead of always being in a fight or flight state. From here, I could see my life for what it was and find enjoyment in everyday moments. I could approach responsibilities that I previously set aside more seriously. Imagining the possibility of a promising future became easier. I began establishing a strong sense of security within myself, which I craved two years ago.

I began seeing a beautiful pattern of how every life experience and state of being does what it needs to do in every moment. My states of mind where I felt trapped and insecure- that I genuinely believed would never change – stayed for as long as they needed to and eventually left. If not for those stressful times, I would not be physically, emotionally, or mentally well-equipped the way I am now. I recognize this clearly because every day now, I experience the freedom and peace that I once longed for. People entered and left my life in perfect timing to teach me what I needed to learn about myself. Stress stayed for as long as required for me to know how not to identify myself with my emotions. Unfavorable circumstances affected me for as long as they were supposed to.

Only in retrospect can I connect specific dots to see the purpose they served in my life. The point is that while we may not have a logical explanation for everything that happens in our life at the time, everything is serving its purpose. Your tension, anxiety, pain, and nervousness are doing what it needs to be doing at this point in your life. You haven’t screwed up. You’re always taken care of. You’re here for a reason. Even if you don’t feel like this right now, that’s completely okay because that’s precisely how you’re supposed to be now. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t feel as grateful or at peace as you thought you would. Instead of trying to achieve some future state of happiness, take a moment to explore how things are right now, internally and externally. There’s nothing wrong with you because of how things might be right now. Instead, acknowledging how things are gives you the opportunity and space to allow change. The best part is that you are not responsible for this change.

The fact that you want things to improve is enough evidence that things will improve. It’s a matter of building personal trust with yourself that can help you remove your need to control things. From this stance, your job is to sway along with the ebb and flow of this beautiful dance of life. In this space, you can get a taste of what it means to find peace and happiness in the present moment. It’s not some hyped-up spiritual concept that will take you years to achieve. Instead, seeing how things are right now is a straightforward decision. This perspective is you saying “yes” to life, giving life a chance to say “yes” back to you.